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07/28/2002 - 08/03/2002
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08/11/2002 - 08/17/2002

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Tuesday, September 30, 2003...

Wow nearly an entire year to post and why am i doing it?? Merely to get this little babies ass online... tadaaa
posted by Dark @ Tuesday, September 30, 2003 (link)

Sunday, November 03, 2002...

SCOOBY!
Skived off work again today though I have got a horrid eye infection that stops me seeing the beautiful things in life (insert smallest violin in the world here) so watched crap on tv (micheal palin's sahara being the obvious exception) and waited for my boyf to come home from practice.

I hope you all had a fantastic halloween (samhein). We did a performance on the Quayside which went brilliantly and we're already getting bookings from new clients. Which is nice.

Today I found that I am insane. Like we didnt know already....

Am off to nice work tomorrow then going to the cinema. Not a boring life for me eh??

Oh and by the way for all you miserable bois, I'm off uni for an entire week. Yah boo up yo ass!



posted by Dark @ Sunday, November 03, 2002 (link)

Thursday, October 24, 2002...

One day I'll fly away
Not long now, though I am terrified of flying and the thought makes me quite sick to be honest. But hey, what can you do except buy deep vein thrombosis socks and hope.

My main worry is that I did not realise the whole "In the case of an emergency please place your head between your knees" I thought this was for a safety reason HOWEVER (if you already know, skip on, if not prepare to be sick) it is so that on impact your jaw crashes into the seat leaving dental records to name the charred body next to what was your seat.

I really hope you're not flying soon...

Fingers are cold, going now


posted by Dark @ Thursday, October 24, 2002 (link)

Monday, October 14, 2002...

Looky!

Today I found out that I am a Song Dragon

In the war between good and evil, a Song Dragon tends to walk the fine line of Neutrality.
When it comes to the powers of Chaos vs. those of Law and Order, your inner dragon walks a fine line between Law and Chaos.
As far as magical tendancies, a Song Dragon's nature does not lend itself well to the ways of Magic.
During combat situations, whether by spells or by claw, your inner dragon will do whatever it takes to get the job done.

Dragon Description:
Song Dragons are semi-nomadic in nature. They do choose a general geographic region to live in, but move thier nests frequently within thier territory. They build thier nests in remote areas, where they are secluded from outside disturbances.

Song Dragons are a dull grey color to thier scales, but are gracefull and quick in movement. The most striking attribute of the Song Dragon is it's voice. Having several sets of vocal chords, the Dragon's every word reverberates like a string symphony.

Song Dragons build thier homes deep in seclusion, but in truth they are very social and friendly in nature. They will often be found polymorphed into human form and fraternizing with people in bars and public places.Song Dragons are the bards of dragonkind, they greatly value creative thinking and artistic talent. They live life to it's fullest, and are well known for going to extremes. They are also known for thier good-hearted nature and kindness.

This Dragons favorite elements are: Jade, Music, and Happiness

posted by Dark @ Monday, October 14, 2002 (link)

CAN IT REALLY BE??? A POST FROM ME??
Oh my goodness I think it is! After a horribly harrowing few weeks, I'm finally ready to jump online and spread some news. Mainly, I'm handing in my notice at one job tomorrow and it is merely seven weeks until I toddle off to Oz for some wonderful happy travelling.

Since my last posts whats happened

• Went barmy with my boss and nearly punched her
  
• Uni is going brilliantly, well interesting modules, easy as shit and i've started writing again
  
• I've started an official countdown to Oz
  
• My hair is now not aubergine, but black and red (quite stunning if you ask me)
  
• Went to see Scratch Perverts, going to see Kathryn Williams and sang (yes me) at a local gig for nearly a thousand people.
  
• The above was scarier than firedancing at Glastonbury
  

Tuesday, September 17, 2002...

A Whole Load Of Crazy Shit
Last day of Freshers Week I know I've not been faithful to u wonderful people, but I've been so busy its ridiculous. Had about ten hours sleep over the last eight days and really starting to feel it right now. Passed out in a club on Thursday night and bashed my head off the loo roll holder which was both hysterical and highly frightening and many high jinks followed suite.

Had some decent bands this year, Kosheen were fab last night, Adele from Big Brother's DJing however left a lot to be desired...

Cant really remember all of the week yet, my head is still battered and I feel really sick... never mind

Have to register with uni again today, bastards have changed one of my modules to an exam instead of coursework. Which really fucks me up cos I'm going to Oz in December and really didnt want to have to revise over the trip. Will have to see what happens, but Oz might get transferred to next summer. Suckorama.

Soooooo off to do that now, might post more in a little bit cos i've got a lot of waiting around to do today...


posted by Dark @ Tuesday, September 17, 2002 (link)

Tuesday, September 10, 2002...

Nine Days Later
Hi, dont worry I've come back down to earth, just been working all hours at shitty Virgin and feeling very tired all the time. Enough whinging though, am just about to start the comedy that is Freshers Week. Watch out all newcastle freshmen cos Elf is a Head Steward and is worth 100 points to any gorgeous young men... mehehehe

::edited::

Have realised that sentence tells you a lot about me actually
1. Work at Virgin (and think its shit)
2. Am at University
3. In Newcastle
4. Am in at least 2nd Year

Hahahaha but you'll never really know will you???

The wonders of the internet. Sadly everything above is actually true.


posted by Dark @ Tuesday, September 10, 2002 (link)

Sunday, September 01, 2002...

Am quite truly fucked on pills right now and thought it owuld be funny to tell you how it feels, my eyesballas are curerentlyu seethru and i kmw i wont be able to redad fthis tomrrow but what the hell :)))))))))))))))))))))))))

WAIT A MINUTE!!
I totally dont remember doing this!!! Went to party went to bed at 6.55am got up at went 8.30am went to work at 10am....ewww where i am right now trying to rectify this craziness, apologies to those who read this last nite and have been disturbed by the material i have now happily removed...

also i woke up to see my boyfs kylie poster (yes i know) staring at me, her hair turned into snakes and tried to smother me, then she turned into a frog and looked really cute... bizarro, hence the possibilties mushrooms can incurr!


posted by Dark @ Sunday, September 01, 2002 (link)

Friday, August 30, 2002...

This is crazy...

Feel like I am going mad, cant get domain to work cant get a cup of tea made and my head really really hurts... someone help me find a cheap domain that i can use please!

boyf is out picking shrooms so cant even ask for a cuddle.... argh i'm going soppy now!!

Unfortuantly...




posted by Dark @ Friday, August 30, 2002 (link)

Upgrade a nando..

A sign that surely I am spending too much time online here, I've upgraded my FTP site only to realise I now have to learn how to use the feckin thing. Aww well.

Remeber a Bristol rave a few weeks ago ended up in complete police violence?? I finally have video evidence. See my pals getting the shit kicked out of them here

Have just waited two hours to get a bus home. Sme building collapsed onto a main road and I'm exceptionally pissed off about it. Went into town to get new shoes, bought nada nilch, oh except hair dye. I will be aubergine as of this evening.

Pampering time I feel...


posted by Dark @ Friday, August 30, 2002 (link)

Thursday, August 29, 2002...

Roamin in The Gloamin...
Well not quite, this week I was at the Leeds Northern Green Gathering also know as Sustain Up North. Its so green and hippy like I cant even find a bloody website for it, I can however tell you that it looked like this :

So I did the hippy bit, I made my dreamcatcher, sang songs like "These Song of Freedom" taught kiddies poi and took a hellova lot of drugs (meeeheeemeeehheee)
I love camping, I love tents and campfires and throwing spuds onto to bake for hours then remembering them and chomping happily. Aww wow!

I wasnt there for the hippy bit, i was there to perform, am a fire performer with a group named Pyrosutra (wow a piece of confidential info about me.. shurely not!) and we had fabtastically successful time.

Exceptionally tired though so will post some backlogged shit and go to sleep I think


posted by Dark @ Thursday, August 29, 2002 (link)

Monday, August 19, 2002...

Tell Me Something I dont Know
Today I found out that




How this was decided was from some crazy useless test that I actually spent time to do. However, it was upon recommendation from a friend that now needs beating...

Anyways, happier note its my birthday today!! Whoopedoo got rehearsal tonight though for fire show at leeds festival so prolly too tired to celebrate. Aww well, crack open the white stuff (hehehe a joke within a joke!)

Ta ta
posted by Dark @ Monday, August 19, 2002 (link)

Monday, August 12, 2002...

How To Walk Out Of A Government Job
Its too freakin easy. I left. I typed "I hate this shitty job" in the surname headers of the tax forms and giggled to myself as I did...

I recommend everyone does it. Go on, just walk out. Loads of fun :)

Spent today drinking in Times Square and watching kids who can actually skateboard. Quite a shock really... I'm used to watching kids perpetually screw up ollies for hours. I can't skate. but I do know when I'm beat... at least I know where I am with poi and staff.






Speaking of which, my new L.E.D.s arrived yesterday. Gift from boyf and we've already been booked for Halloween and Bonfire Night due to the lights which is a luvverly £450 for the Oz fund...

Anways,
posted by Dark @ Monday, August 12, 2002 (link)

Wednesday, August 07, 2002...

Excuses Excuses
Yes I know, but I've been working very hard. Which makes a change at my workplace. Did you know that your local friendly tax officer is currently obliged to only attain a 90% accuracy level. Great you say, but I'm wondering about that ten percent. That ten percent could be your tax form, your wages and your rent going out of the window, your children starving and your spouse beating the crap out of you.

See this is what five hours of tax forms does to my mind. I start to actually care about all these little NI numbers. I begin to wonder about the strange people named Tristian Abbs and wonder if I truly did just do Victoria Wood's tax form and how she can earn so much money for not being funny anymore (the downfall of a childhood hero) and why that goddamn trolley woman aint here with my well earned break.

What really worries me though (beware this is the best bit)... is that my coworkers perepually fall asleep. So not only do they only half fill in your form, but they do it in a dreamlike state. I've done it, but now have a craftily positioned pencil at eye heigh so I can only cause discomfort to myself. And not you

Arent I considerate??

Like you give a shit...

Oh and we're on special black alert at the tax buildling. So we have special ex-con security men in special sweaters who never ask for our passes and gruffly wave you on in the morning. Its like one big train of depression. Seen the bread lines?? Witness the brain dead lines... (myself excepted)

I'm considering a social experiment.

Unsurprisingly I'm leaving next week and taking position as a bar wench again. Stick to what I'm good at; heckling and spinning cocktails...

For furthur excuses, yet a tempermental flash site, see here

posted by Dark @ Wednesday, August 07, 2002 (link)

Tuesday, July 30, 2002...

Sacrilege of The Best Kind
New job today, pain in the arse but good pay and good hours. So I can spend more time updating this baby and making you guys less miserable. Fixed most of the scripts on this page today, still having problems with keeping the archives nice and safe but hey what can you do (cept sit for hours rewriting html again and again)

Am very very tired from work, want to waste away the rest of the day playing around...

Please join me in dressing up jesus. Ballerina Jesus is particularly good

Tata

posted by Dark @ Tuesday, July 30, 2002 (link)

Monday, July 29, 2002...

We Regret To Inform You
Your friend Dark Elf is a lazy ass. She cant be buggered to log on, wait ten mins of typing only for it to crash and burn and make her cry out her otherwise perfectly lined eyes anymore

So its time to take action, I'm going cable :)

Due to circumstances beyond my control, Im being forced to live with my parents again. Something that I did not feel would be too bad until I actually began to unpack tonite. As much as I love my parents, Ive been away too long and coming home to my high school room is the feckin freakiest thing I've experienced in a while. They dont appreciate this, they've thrown out my tat and argued about which barbies I get to keep (mermaid barbie, ballerina barbie and disco barbie won folks)

Argh, anyways, I leave you with this as I wait for a taxi to take my to my boyfriend's and out of this enforced insanity.

Bon nuit

Pen Spinning, not poi... pen
Scalectrix!! Wow!
ElectroTank
posted by Dark @ Monday, July 29, 2002 (link)

Friday, July 26, 2002...

I lied
Just as I logged off, was sent this little gem which I really think you should be made aware of.
See not all little boys who read comics are healthy ones


posted by Dark @ Friday, July 26, 2002 (link)

Boredom of The Masses
Didnt realise I'd left my updates for so long. Well I've got no new links for you today, am at the hell that is work so can fix my site either. Which is really pissing me off. Anyways, thought I'd check in, need to beat up someone calling themselves Light Elf and proclaiming to be my sister...

Ahem, right bitch


posted by Dark @ Friday, July 26, 2002 (link)

Tuesday, July 23, 2002...

Bout Fookin Time
Happy to report that java is now working and my scroll bar now looks like it should do instead of that gruesome green from before. Apologies my darlins if you were witness

Time to add the teenybopper items


posted by Dark @ Tuesday, July 23, 2002 (link)

WTF??
I've sat here for at least half an hour trying to imput javascript into this damned thing but will it work? Hell no! Wont publish, refresh or owt. Bastards.

On that subject...
Theres a guy I know, lets call him Doug, who argues incessantly. Not the type of intelligent discourse that I should be subjected to, but mindless biased drivel.

Doug is in the US Merchant Marines. He therefore believes in a ridiculous amount of shit that the army level at him. Okay, I respect his life desicion and all that laying down his life for me. Except that he believes I should be grateful to him.

Hello?? Did I sign something at birth that assigned Doug as my guardian angel, Nazi fighter and judge? No.

Generally I just tell Doug to fuck off, however this time he really tickled my ribs. (During Conversation re: Send Food Not Bombs)

Doug : Well I figure you should just shut up and be thankful that the US army saved your British ass back in '49...

Guffaw?? Jeez, I nearly wet my pants in anticipation to tell him HOW wrong he is.

1. The blatant abuse of freedom of speech (something he regularly blather on to me about)
2. The US did not save Britain from WWII, merely interevened at a particularly good time. I'm not denying they helped and yes the American soliders were just as brave as the British, but hang on, arent we forgetting someone?? Yes, The Canadians. Helped both wars, dont drivel on about it !!
3. '49? Ahem I really hope he meant reperations wise cos check my source but didnt WWII end in 1945?? Yes I think it did.

What a twat...

Thought I'd share that with you

Anyways, links for today are as follows

Silly Games
If Possible, Even Sillier Games
A Thousand And One Ways To Prove "Doug" Wrong...
A personal favourite.

Off to kick java ass
posted by Dark @ Tuesday, July 23, 2002 (link)

Wednesday, July 17, 2002...

Sadism Sandwich


Sometimes this site can be a right bastard to load up. After spending awhile lurking at the computer at work, finally logged in, only for it to crash and lose everything I've just writted. So sadly (for you) you'll be getting an edited version for now. In fact, fuck it, here's ur links; now be happy :






And how much of it there is on the web

Filthy Beggars

Gummi Poem


Then to top it off (literally) how about some Green M&M Masturbation?





posted by Dark @ Wednesday, July 17, 2002 (link)

Hilarity


I'm not going to introduce myself, if you're that interested, bookmark this site, check it daily and I'm sure you'll get to know more about me. If not, well bugger off now.
The web design is going through some shocking changes at the moment, considering I'm creating this on a "I've got two mins to spare" basis. Hopefully, I can kick its ass into gear sooner rather than later.

For now though, please ask yourself why you're listening to the shite that you are, instead of this or if you're a waylaid feminist then this should put you back on track.

You're reading list of the day can happily include :


Why Not To Reproduce

How To While Away Your Work Day

Spend Hours Making Ur Boss Look Even More Foolish

Thats all I can be arsed with for now

Enjoy


posted by Dark @ Wednesday, July 17, 2002 (link)

...LINKS